I realize I had lost
myself. I had lost myself in someone else. I invested so much of my time, money
and effort. My emotions, love and support on someone else. And I lost myself. I lost my needs. My wants and wishes. I put my life on hold just to make sure that “our” lives were on the same path.
Planning a new life
seemed fun! I mean, every little girl loves to play “house”, right? That never
changes. Even when that little girl grows to become a woman, she still likes to
play “house” and dream about what the future will look like.
We seemed to be on
the same path in life, we wanted to go to the same places and do the same things.
We discussed what our options were and weren’t. We were good at compromising
and this was exciting and fun! It made everything feel so real.
I knew I had a while
before any of this became a reality though, and I was ready to wait for that. I
was ready to wait for you, so that you could tell me what we were doing. I
was okay with that. I wanted that for us. But no one else seemed to want that for us.
“They” always had
something to say.
About you.
About me.
I truly believe that misery
loves company. They weren’t happy in their lives, so they ruined ours.
The sad part is, it
was the people you were closest too. The people who were supposed to support and
be there for you, they were the ones who started the fire in this little girl's house.
A fire that would progressively get worse and worse, creating more damage
in the wake of it's destruction until there was nothing left of her house but an empty shell of
memories and disappointment.
I tried to put the
fire out, time and time again.
